Monday, July 03, 2006

Celebrate our diversity

I though I would provide you with a little humor this morning on the eve of the birth of our nation. This has been around for a few years with some recent modifications.

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your
stock goes up.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink
Life is good.

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel
on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them
and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. You
take the restitution check and plant opium poppies.

You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some
people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its
life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a
taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You try to
sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You
lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change
your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a
speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to
help "working cows".

Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of your farm "for the
children". The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped them. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

Ken Calhoon, Broker
Your friend in the foothills

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."....Declaration of Independence, in Congress, Jluy 4 1776


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